The Assignment
To find the
sister I never knew I had.
The Background
In July
1974, the day after my father died,
my mother came to me and said,
“Rick, your father never told you
this, but you have a sister.”
"When you were a around six," she
said, "your father and I were
separated for a few months. He
moved to Los Angeles, met another
woman and had a baby named Sandy."
The only other information she had
was that they lived in the Santa
Monica area and that the baby was
born in June 1953.
During my four years in the Marine
Corps I was taught that you don’t
leave ANYONE behind. I decided
there was no way I wasn’t going to
find my sister. But I have to admit
that it was one of the most
difficult searches I've ever
undertaken.
The Investigation
I started
by scouring the birth records index
at LA Vital statistics. I found an
entry for Sandra L. Topping dated
June 3, 1953. I requested the
record, but was told it had been
sealed and I would not be allowed
to obtain any additional
information.
Turns out the birth record had been
sealed because of a step parent
adoption. After a step parent
adoption the name of the adopting
parent is listed as the birth
parent. No one would ever know by
looking at the birth certificate
that the new parent wasn't the
birth parent.
This is a great protection for
parents and child, but it's a
tremendously difficult roadblock
for someone in my position to
overcome.
I didn’t know Sandy’s mother’s
name, but I was certain Sandy was
born in Santa Monica. So I searched
copies of the local newspapers for
birth announcements, checked every
city record I could find, and
combed old phone books, but found
no leads. None.
Eventually I found a wonderful
organization made up of parents and
children dedicated to finding each
other. It's sort of a
clearing-house for people searching
parents and children.
Thanks to them, I was able to get
my hands on a copy of Sandy’s
amended birth certificate - one
that listed her adopted name - and
within hours I was able to pinpoint
where she was living.
But that presented me with a whole
new set of dilemmas. How do you
approach someone who may not have
any idea she has siblings? Does she
even want to know them? Who is he
or she? Is she a biker queen or a
druggie? You never know.
I thought it might make sense to
find out more about my sister
before bursting into her world. My
business partner had a cousin who
lived in the same town as my
sister. Coincidental as it may
seem, his cousin knew my sister and
reported that she was a highly
respected realtor, was married to a
law enforcement office and had two
young sons.
I was still torn even after
learning who she was and what she
was. How do you approach someone
who doesn't know that you exist?
Will you upset her life? What now?
I didn’t want to disrupt her life
so I decided to set the information
aside again.
Two years later, I was sitting at
my desk reading an article in the
O.C. Register about a traffic
accident in Northern California.
The article quoted my sister's
husband. If this isn’t a message
from God’s mouth to my ear, I
thought, nothing is.
I called information, got the phone
number of my brother-in-law's
office, called him and left a
voicemail. I identified myself and
told him that I believed his wife
is my sister, but that I didn't
want to disrupt her life unless she
was interested in meeting me.
In less than an hour, my phone
rang. It was my brother-in-law. He
said, "Call this number right now,
because I have a very excited wife
waiting to hear from you."
Case Closed
The rest is
history. Sandy and I spoke that
day, met in Sacramento a couple of
months later and we have been close
family ever since. She truly is the
sister I thought I never had.
Sandy's mother, who had died not
long after my father, had told her
about my father and the fact that
she had two brothers. She had spent
years searching for my father, my
younger brother Mike and me, but
kept running into the same
roadblocks I had run into.
In May 1992, Sandy, my brother and
I had a wonderful family vacation
in Hawaii. Sandy and Mike met for
the first time and it was like we
had grown up together.
Sandy now calls my mom "Mom." I
have two great nephews. One is a
career U.S. Marine and was in the
same squadron I was attached to 30
years earlier.
And we're all living happily ever
after.
Do you need help finding
someone? Let’s talk.
Call me at 1-949-837-9946 or send
me an email.