The Assignment
To find the sister I
never knew I had.
The Background
In July 1974, the
day after my father died, my mother came to
me and said, “Rick, your father never told
you this, but you have a sister.”
"When you were a around six," she said,
"your father and I were separated for a few
months. He moved to Los Angeles, met
another woman and had a baby named Sandy."
The only other information she had was that
they lived in the Santa Monica area and
that the baby was born in June 1953.
During my four years in the Marine Corps I
was taught that you don’t leave ANYONE
behind. I decided there was no way I wasn’t
going to find my sister. But I have to
admit that it was one of the most difficult
searches I've ever undertaken.
The Investigation
I started by
scouring the birth records index at LA
Vital statistics. I found an entry for
Sandra L. Topping dated June 3, 1953. I
requested the record, but was told it had
been sealed and I would not be allowed to
obtain any additional information.
Turns out the birth record had been sealed
because of a step parent adoption. After a
step parent adoption the name of the
adopting parent is listed as the birth
parent. No one would ever know by looking
at the birth certificate that the new
parent wasn't the birth parent.
This is a great protection for parents and
child, but it's a tremendously difficult
roadblock for someone in my position to
overcome.
I didn’t know Sandy’s mother’s name, but I
was certain Sandy was born in Santa Monica.
So I searched copies of the local
newspapers for birth announcements, checked
every city record I could find, and combed
old phone books, but found no leads. None.
Eventually I found a wonderful organization
made up of parents and children dedicated
to finding each other. It's sort of a
clearing-house for people searching parents
and children.
Thanks to them, I was able to get my hands
on a copy of Sandy’s amended birth
certificate - one that listed her adopted
name - and within hours I was able to
pinpoint where she was living.
But that presented me with a whole new set
of dilemmas. How do you approach someone
who may not have any idea she has siblings?
Does she even want to know them? Who is he
or she? Is she a biker queen or a druggie?
You never know.
I thought it might make sense to find out
more about my sister before bursting into
her world. My business partner had a cousin
who lived in the same town as my sister.
Coincidental as it may seem, his cousin
knew my sister and reported that she was a
highly respected realtor, was married to a
law enforcement office and had two young
sons.
I was still torn even after learning who
she was and what she was. How do you
approach someone who doesn't know that you
exist? Will you upset her life? What now? I
didn’t want to disrupt her life so I
decided to set the information aside again.
Two years later, I was sitting at my desk
reading an article in the O.C. Register
about a traffic accident in Northern
California. The article quoted my sister's
husband. If this isn’t a message from God’s
mouth to my ear, I thought, nothing is.
I called information, got the phone number
of my brother-in-law's office, called him
and left a voicemail. I identified myself
and told him that I believed his wife is my
sister, but that I didn't want to disrupt
her life unless she was interested in
meeting me.
In less than an hour, my phone rang. It was
my brother-in-law. He said, "Call this
number right now, because I have a very
excited wife waiting to hear from you."
Case Closed
The rest is history.
Sandy and I spoke that day, met in
Sacramento a couple of months later and we
have been close family ever since. She
truly is the sister I thought I never had.
Sandy's mother, who had died not long after
my father, had told her about my father and
the fact that she had two brothers. She had
spent years searching for my father, my
younger brother Mike and me, but kept
running into the same roadblocks I had run
into.
In May 1992, Sandy, my brother and I had a
wonderful family vacation in Hawaii. Sandy
and Mike met for the first time and it was
like we had grown up together.
Sandy now calls my mom "Mom." I have two
great nephews. One is a career U.S. Marine
and was in the same squadron I was attached
to 30 years earlier.
And we're all living happily ever after.
Do you need help finding someone? Let’s
talk.
Call me at 1-949-837-9946 or send me an
email.